By: Ayatollah Nasir Makarim Shirazi
The Prophet Muhammad (S) stated, “O’ ‘Ali! Repentance is available for every sin except for having a bad demeanor, because whenever a person with an unpleasant demeanor abandons one sin, they fall into another.”
In this saying, the Noble Prophet (S) highlights the perilous impact of possessing an unpleasant demeanor, explaining that while people can seek forgiveness for all sins, those with the sin of an unpleasant demeanor cannot repent for it, as this trait is persistent. It’s crucial to understand that while one can repent for sins and wrongdoings, the characteristic of having an unpleasant demeanor is not an action that can be repented for.
The Effects of Having an Unpleasant Demeanor
1) An unpleasant demeanor is a root cause of numerous sins. A person with this trait may wish to repent, but they end up committing another sin, and as the Prophet (S) mentioned, “This person cannot ask for repentance.” Consequently, one effect of having an unpleasant demeanor is accumulating multiple sins, such as irritating others, lying, gossiping, oppressing, etc.
2) Another consequence of an unpleasant demeanor is its societal impact. A person with this trait will earn the resentment of others. Due to a negative attitude, they may lose their composure, leading to the loss of friends, societal support, and any influence they might have. For instance, a businessman with this trait might lose clients, and a community leader might lose followers. In essence, a negative disposition can result in losing friends and associates, and it might even lead to losing one’s spouse and children. What does it mean for a person to “lose” certain individuals? It means these people become strangers, and it might reach a point where one’s own children don’t want to see their father because of his poor etiquette, creating a rift between the father and his children. Therefore, another effect of a bad demeanor is that others find the person repulsive and distance themselves from someone with such negative traits.
3) The third effect of this trait is the punishment of the soul, affecting the person themselves. A person with a negative demeanor ends up annoying themselves first and then others. The fire of bad etiquette is lamentable because it initially burns the person who possesses this trait and then affects those around them.
Reasons Why People Exhibit Poor Character
1) High Expectations
When individuals hold numerous expectations, there will inevitably be moments when reality does not align with their desires, leading to frustration. Conversely, if a person’s expectations, even regarding family and close friends, are modest, they are less likely to become upset by surrounding events. Such individuals are prepared to handle unexpected situations, often saying, “I didn’t see that coming” or “Anything is possible.” Cultivating this mindset helps prevent confusion during challenging times.
2) Arrogance and Vanity
People with pride often seek to elevate themselves above others, which naturally causes friction with those around them. As a result, others tend to avoid engaging with individuals who exhibit arrogance and vanity. When these proud individuals realize their desires are unmet, they become frustrated and reveal their poor character.
3) Lack of Forgiveness
Some individuals only forgive certain offenses, making them easily agitated. It is essential to practice forgiveness and forget past grievances, as doing so fosters a positive attitude. Conversely, if one constantly dwells on past wrongs without forgiving, they are likely to become upset and develop a negative disposition.
4) Irritability and Short Temper
A person prone to irritability or a short temper struggles to cope with life’s challenges. A well-known Farsi proverb states, “He finds bitter raisins sweet and sweet raisins sour,” implying that tranquility at home feels like a storm. Such individuals consistently display a negative attitude, poor ethical traits, and perpetual grumpiness. However, a person who remains calm and relaxed can endure whatever life throws their way.
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